Decisions, Decisions.

April 04, 2017

I’m scared. I feel like I am at a point in my life where I have to make so many important decisions and it’s quite frightening. People are constantly asking me what I want to do with my life but I don’t even have an answer. Whenever I start to thinking about the future I begin to wonder about how it will turn out. What if doesn’t go the way I imagine it? It probably not going to go the way I planned. I am not sure if I should be scared or excited. I think I am feeling both.

I am just starting to discover who I am and now I have to make decisions that will impact the rest of my life. I won’t be able to start over. I am stressing, a lot. My mom tells me to calm down. I am just eighteen after all. I feel like I am running out of time. I still like cartoons and dolls. Are you even allowed to like those things when you are an adult?

What are the rules of being an adult? I’m in my final year of high school and I feel like I haven’t learnt a single thing except that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. It’s just frustrating because how on earth is that going to help me in life?

I just feel like I only just discovered a lot about myself which makes me wonder how much more there is I am yet to discover. I just want to try everything but does that mean that I don’t love anything enough to focus on one thing or does it just mean I like a lot of things?

I really do wish it were easier. I wish I could just wake up one morning with everything all figured out but I doubt that’s going to happen. There aren’t any rules of being an adult so I’ll just have to create my own. Yes, I am still scared but I think it’s time I actually start doing something. I like a lot of things and maybe I can be a jack of all traits and a master of all. I don’t know how things will turn out in the future, nobody does but I’ll be happy knowing that I went for the things that made me happy and not what everyone else expected me to go for. I still have a lot to figure out and some decisions to make. It is very frightening but I am excited and I think I’m ready. There is truly something beautiful about being lost. You tend to discover the most wonderful things.

Thoughts on turning 18:

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